Rising Strong, by Brené Brown

It’s been a while since I read a book that impressed me as much as Rising Strong. I have wandered for too long in the land of: accept your emotions, all of them. People can be bad and good, and you choose whether to confront them or not. I never saw the shore, in a way, because dealing with a conflict meant one of two: tell her what you feel and lose her, or suck it up and pretend nothing happened, right? I mean this is what people do in conflicts: we either avoid or pretend nothing happened.

Well, not anymore. Because Brene is teaching me how to approach conflict resolution through curiosity and storytelling. And I simply love it!

Rising Strong by Brené Brown is a powerful exploration of vulnerability, courage, and resilience, focusing on how we can rise after setbacks, failures, or difficult experiences. While the book isn't specifically about resolving conflict in the traditional sense, it offers valuable insights on how to handle interpersonal challenges and conflicts, particularly in the context of relationships.

At the core of Rising Strong is the idea that emotional struggles and setbacks—whether in relationships, work, or personal growth—are opportunities for transformation and growth. Brown introduces the concept of "rumbling," which is a process of engaging in honest, vulnerable conversations, particularly when things are difficult or uncomfortable. This rumbling process is a key part of resolving conflict because it encourages people to lean into the discomfort of difficult emotions rather than avoiding or suppressing them.

Here’s how Rising Strong teaches us to approach conflict resolution:

1. Embrace Vulnerability – One of the main teachings in the book is that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. When facing conflict, many people are afraid of being vulnerable because they fear judgment or rejection. Brown argues that true resolution of conflict requires us to be open, to express our feelings, and to take emotional risks. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we create a space for genuine connection and understanding, which is essential for resolving conflicts.

2. The Power of Storytelling – Brown emphasizes that we all have stories we tell ourselves about conflicts and struggles. These stories often shape how we interpret events and respond to others. In the process of resolving conflict, it’s crucial to examine the stories we’re telling ourselves, particularly when they may be skewed by shame or negative assumptions. She encourages us to ask ourselves critical questions like: "What is the story I’m telling myself?" By identifying and questioning these stories, we can challenge the narrative and approach conflict more objectively and constructively.

3. Own Your Emotions – Brown encourages us to take responsibility for our emotions during conflict, rather than blaming others. She suggests that we pause, reflect on our feelings, and take ownership of them. This doesn’t mean ignoring or suppressing emotions, but rather acknowledging them in a way that allows us to move forward productively. By owning our emotions, we prevent them from controlling us and can engage more thoughtfully in the resolution process.

4. The Importance of Curiosity – Another key element of resolving conflict in Rising Strong is curiosity. Brown advocates for adopting a mindset of curiosity when we’re in conflict, rather than jumping to conclusions or becoming defensive. By asking open-ended questions and seeking to understand the other person’s perspective, we can reduce misunderstandings and move toward a solution that respects both parties’ needs.

5. Engage in the "Rumbling" Process – In Brown’s framework, "rumbling" is the process of digging into the hard stuff—the emotions, miscommunications, and difficult truths—when conflicts arise. She suggests that instead of avoiding tough conversations, we engage in these "rumblings" with honesty, respect, and openness. This process allows both parties to voice their feelings and experiences, ultimately leading to deeper understanding and resolution.

6. Rising Strong After Setbacks – Ultimately, Rising Strong is about how we handle failure, mistakes, and difficult emotions. When conflict arises, it can feel like a personal failure or an insurmountable challenge. Brown teaches that we can "rise strong" after these setbacks by processing our emotions, learning from the experience, and using it as an opportunity for growth. This resilience is key in overcoming conflict and moving forward with greater strength and understanding.

In summary, Rising Strong teaches us that resolving conflict is not about avoiding discomfort or being right, but about showing up vulnerably, owning our emotions, and engaging with others in a courageous and open-hearted way. By leaning into difficult conversations and "rumbling" with the truth, we can build stronger, more resilient relationships and emerge from conflict with greater empathy and connection.